Making friends when you’re in the thick of parenting and the early tickles of middle age is just plain difficult.
So many criteria for it to work: husband and wife have to like each others’ husband and wife. If you’ve got kids, they have to have kids, too. Then there has to be some compatibility with your kids.
That right there is a lot, and in most cases a deal killer. But, if you can make it past that, the real hard part begins. There has to be instant chemistry between either the two wives or two husband, or better yet — both (ultra rare).
But chemistry isn’t everything — there is a value system we put potential friends through. Do they meet our character values? In our experience, this is where 99.9% percent of friendship effort come to a halt. People you courted as hopefuls suddenly seem hollow.
It’s a funny dance we do as couples, something akin to speed dating. We go out and mingle and sample different couples to see if there’s a fit. We lay out our wares on the table, check theirs out, and if we like what see one of us suggests the next move.
It’s a hard to imaging having to make friends this way, but in the end I’d step forward to defend this practice. When you’re a kid, making friends is no problem at all – you start talking and doing shit right away. No petty chat.
For obvious reasons, friendship in adulthood is tougher. You may meet some cool appealing people — people who seem great to be friends with — but at some point you have to assess if you want to pursue it, all without being rude.
Sometimes you just have to say to yourself, “That seems like a good person, but I’m going to pass. I don’t see a way out, let alone a way in.”