Yeah I’ll be honest it sucks. I don’t usually have a reason to write anymore…but wait, it’s write or die, right?
I’m either too tired or too focused on “paying” gigs that the essence of writing slips me. But what I need to realize it that’s it’s the paying gigs that are so easy to get swallowed up by — they’re so vacuum-ish.
But the writing is an exercise and to stay healthy — even at a minimum level (just enough to keep me interested and non-lame feeling — requires me to embrace the medium every single day.
As I start my descent into sleepy incoherence now, I just want to remind myself that I did the consulting thing way back and it totally sucked. I don’t mind giving myself away at first but there has to be strong incremental rewards and incentive, even if I put them there myself (which I obviously will).
The last thing I want to become is a strung-out consultant who gets little respect but works like a dog. It’s exactly the guy I used to work with in Anchorage (was kind of envious at the time but not now): he worked his ass off, had enough for his toys and vacation and that was it — I suppose he was happy with what he had.
I’m not happy with that nonsense. I need basic cash flow to keep business afloat and pay bills, but there’s so much more I’m going for.
Damn I’m tired tonight…