Fire By Sea

It really is. I mean on the ‘business’ side of my publishing. I’m following a formula that is clearly going nowhere. I’m  not going to hold out for a day that is clearly never coming. Plenty of people can copywrite and I don’t want to be one of them. Cased closed.

What I’d rather do—to borrow the yoga metaphor—is attach the heart to the divine and let the mind follow. Write what I feel should be written (NOT what is supposed to be written) and create a real business case around it.

Leave some room for serendipity, ’cause I can’t fucking stand calculated marketing.

I’m not a journalist. I’m not a marketer. I’m not a fucking copywriter.

I am a writer, an editor, a publisher. People need to know things that I want to talk about. I have an inner confidence, a touchstone that would grant me respect and credibility despite the obvious and inevitable scoffing and laughter from the publishing community.

So I say screw the blogging system and the A-listers, the 3rd f-ing tribe. I don’t want to be part of their hierarchy. All the people I’ve seen rise to the top (all 2 or 3 over 18 months) got there because they hustled. Good for them, but it’s nowhere near where I see myself ending.

I’ve noticed that every day I get more determined and energetic about all this shit. I don’t what I’m going to do but I know I’m going to do it.

Sometimes pure logic dictates natural order. See what I mean:

• Writing a post about SEO (something totally unnatural) shouldn’t take 3-7 days.
• I shouldn’t be writing something that at least 1,000 other people are writing about.
• I shouldn’t be constantly checking to see if my blog post made it to Google.
• Of all the 6-8 affiliate products I’ve ever sold, I only didn’t personally know one of the buyers.
• I don’t fucking need programs and books and training to tell me what to do.
• Not having time to engage in meaningful dialog with people that interest me is bullshit
• I shouldn’t be trying to force a connection between my blog content and my publishing vision where there clearly is none (c’mon it’s a stretch to say that I’m trying to groom writers by telling them they need SEO.

The Conclusion: get my head out of marketing and follow my heart in writing, see where that shit leads.

I’m angry and it feels good.

to a boring subject indeed.

I’ve grown to learn that the goal of most anyone who works with the public is clarity, by which I mean making that which is not readily understood understandable. Simplicity.

I am no exception. But first, let’s pick a few different, random lines of work that involve customer/public interface:

• Travel agent: a dying breed but their aim is to present the most uncomplicated path from one point to another. They need to factor in the constraints of time, cost, availability and flexibility and present it in an easy to understand itinerary.
• Bus driver: needs to follow a route and make clear of the stops for passengers to get on and off the bus. They need to facilitate the entire system of public transportation to anyone who rides the bus (keyword: anyone).
• Doctor: needs to translate over a decade of schooling and residency into simple, compassionate care for patients. Can’t get caught up in trying to explain the why and how but rather the what and what’s next.
• Teacher: pretty obvious but teachers are the basis of why things need to be made clear. Teachers must not only uncomplicate knowledge, they must also inspire.

Of course, my work aspirations are all about clarity: entrepreneur to make a clear cut business case for what I’m doing with publishing and publisher to make clear the content I’m giving to people. I give the content as part of my business strategy to expand it.

So, I need to make clear to myself what I’m offering. So far, it’s this: a channel that defines the value proposition of ebooks, which is be able to share reading experiences with others. Make a human connection where there was once not one. A way for readers to connect directly with their authors, for writers to connect directly with their readers and for readers to connect with each other.

As far as I can see nobody is doing this the way I see it.

So why not try? And be clear about it?

Should all be applied toward The Goal. I know I can do it.

Blah blah blah.

Do you believe in Love?

Yes I do.

I just have a real hard time following formulas and crowds. I really do. I’m not saying this because I’m deliberately trying to different or against the grain. Something inside me will not permit conformity.

All for better or for worse. Right now it feels like for worse, because I’m out on a limb, unable to follow what successful people are telling me what to do.

The way I see it, why would successful people be telling me their secrets to success? Doesn’t that indicate that they’ve extracted the essence of that method and are merely selling me the fizzling leftovers? WTF is that all about?

I know why Shoemoney doesn’t want to install a forum on his system. It’s because he doesn’t want the members communicating with each other. He doesn’t want people to talk about their experience and uphill battles.

What I don’t like about these systems is the promises they make. All that promise is is the potential you could reach, but never the reality. 1 in 1000 might meet or exceed the system, but usually not more.

Another thing is that Shoemoney’s system works because that’s him. The system is built around the kind of person he is and the way he operates, not anybody else. I don’t to be Shoemoney or anything like him. Not because I dislike him (I actually like what little I know of him), but simply because I want to be myself.

This contention started with my blog: I’m writing exactly in the walls of the formula about a subject I’m not passionate about that has to do with following rules. Ironic.

I’d rather be honest and just take the bullet. This is why I’m not going to settle with doing what everybody is doing or trying to perfectly replicate. You can’t replicate someone else’s success. It’s not possible.

Buzzed. Overcoming a terrible week that started out great thanks to the Olympics. What went wrong?

Within me lies a battle between Greatness and Mediocrity, and it’s just as bad as a battle between Good and Evil.

I feel that if I don’t overcome this wave of torment in me it will win. So I press on, intelligent and strong, assuming command of the warrior in me.

This is the only way to live: to fight. And the only way to love is to let go.

Anyway, that’s my Friday night.

Today I think I’m crazy for what I’m doing and it’s hard to think I’m not. I’m frustrated with my ideas; they seem feeble and unsubstantiated.

So what do I do?

I don’t want to be an idealogue and just keep blindly going. Sooner or later I will need to see some results.

I’m frustrated so I’ll revisit The Dip.

I’m approaching the point where I’d rather write than read, and it feels good. It reminds of exercising, where it sucks at first but you keep at it and then you can’t imagine going without it even for a day.

I suppose this daily journal exercise has helped with that. My typing is faster, too. I just feel the desire to produce something. I can’t wait to duke it out on the web.

In fact, I’d say my whole attitude has gotten better over the past couple of months. I feel balanced and efficient and for the most part positive. I remember when I’d feel good and then plunge into the darkness node of depression for several days. Of course, I can’t totally write off that that won’t happen.

I wonder what this is all leading to. Writing represents the gateway to me — it’s what will set me free, I just know it. So what is this all leading to?

I remember when I used to think I wanted to be a novelist, then when I realized I didn’t have the discipline (and maybe even the talent) to be one, I rejected writing all together.

Then when i became an editor, I thought I was a failed writer! Why so serious? I’m pretty happy being an editor and now I’m working my way up to publisher. So what’s a publisher…a failed editor? Just kidding, I’ll always be an editor and definitely always be a writer (first).

Which gets back to consumption. I produce content and I filter/procure/curate it for other people. That makes me a farmer and a hunter, right? I grow my own content and stalk other content worthy of consumption.

This week I will write a thoughtful letter to Seth Godin. It will be my first stage call — approaching the issue of publishing from the top down. I need this.

I see 2 things ahead:

• monetizing the blog and other digital pubs
• becoming a publishing company

The former is to create cash flow for the latter. If I can secure decent cash flow then I can get the mobility and leverage to get some stuff done. In the mean time, I need to work both top down and bottom up:

• Writers = customers
• Readers = customers
• Industry people who believe in me = promotional allies

According to Seth Godin’s interview, as a publishing company I ought to focus on building the channel (not the technology — that is taking care of itself just fine).

The channel as I see it is the conduit between writers and readers. I need to make it easy for them to connect between each other and themselves. So, reader-reader and writer-reader.

Unanswered questions:

• Where do I get readers from? Is this the purpose my blog is serving? Am I trying to groom writers?
• Where will writers get their readers? Is this another function of the blog? To train writers how and where to cultivate readers?
• Am I talking about books or blogs or both? Deeper question: what is content?

How will I make money at this?

What is a channel? Say for example, an adventure travel. I have someone in mind. He’s great writer but with no audience and no income from his writing. Ideally, I would approach Writer with offer to:

• help him write a book: conceptualize the angle, research the angle
• promote him: across my platform
• sell his book: as a Kindle / ePub / iPad book? Or proprietary app?

What I don’t get about Godin’s talk is his mention that “all publishers are are choosers…no editing, chopping down trees, etc.” Doesn’t someone need to do those things though?

I think I need to write this down in a notebook because I need to make a diagram.